The Best Anniversary Yet
by yorushihe
Summary: Sarah and Jareth skip to Middle Earth to spend their best Anniversary ever... between bursting into songs and meeting weird people, they might be able to make friends before Jareth gets maimed by elves... Crack!fic.. not to be taken seriously..


"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sarah asked, raising both eyebrows as she looked at the giant swirling portal stretching in front of her. "This seems like a disaster waiting to happen" she commented halfheartedly, since her face showed her growing interest.

Jareth preened a bit, puffing up like a proud peacock. "Have more faith, love, this is going to be the best anniversary we've ever had – better than when we went back in time and we revolutionized Rome"

Sarah nodded, secretly pleased with the statue of Persephone and Hades made in her and Jareth's image that was serving as a Goblin trampoline in the garden's fountain. All it took was getting a bit drunk and telling their story to some priest or other and suddenly they were the deities' avatars come to drag them all to hell.

Good times, those. Romans were such fun, at least until Plato came around and cleverly deduced the Plane of Ideas. Well, we can't have everything.

"To best Rome this must be some good plans you've got" The raven haired beauty said, poking the unstable looking portal and getting a pretty shower of colored sparks as the result.

"Careful precious, it look a while to connect to _that_ World, the gods that govern it are a bit temperamental… as if they could match my ingenuity" Jareth grinned feraly, eyes glinting in that way that made Sarah swoon.

Blinking, Sarah caught on. "Are you serious, another world?!" She gushed, enthused. "Toby will wither in jealousy!"

With one last evil grin, Jareth grabbed Sarah's hand and jumped head first into the portal.

**XxxXxxX**

They were nine. Restlessly advancing through endless fields and rolling hills, souls alight in determination to end once and for all the terrible rule of the Dark Lord by valiantly destroying his ring of power.

Traveling non-stop, save for the occasional lunch break to placate the four littlest ones in their ceaseless hunger, the very hurried warriors were understandably surprised when during their journey they see what seemed like an impossibility.

A couple. Man and Woman. Dancing freely and singing like a pair of drunken elves. Arm in arm and skipping like adolescents in love as they sung words of love and freedom and goblins, for some reason.

"Are my eyes working right?" A red-haired dwarf asked bewildered. A blond haired elf only stared ahead with a slight jealous tilt to his mouth – he's been containing himself all along _not_ to burst into song every time the mood struck. The pair of human men looked at each other, at each of the short Hobbits then at the old looking Wizard.

"If you're seeing a couple singing love songs in the middle of the Plains then you're seeing the same as I" Boromir scratched his beard.

"And I as well" Aragorn added. Soon, all nine courageous warriors were nodding and staring in a mix between horror and curiosity as the song (and lyrics) became more daring and impossibly improper to young ears.

"We might as well continue" Gandalf finally broke the spelled silence. "They seem like a jolly folk, maybe they can answer our questions"

They cautiously approached the duo, who seemed to be getting into swing and mood of things and ready to change tracks.

The male, who looked scarily similar to Legolas' father but with a lot more glitter and a shade of darkness wore as a cloak – whereas Thranduil simply oozed smugness – this elf(?) was the exact opposite – was the first to notice their approach.

Legolas' lips twitched in the effort not to join them in their song.

"Why, hello there natives!" The blonde elf(?) greeted with aplomb, halting his dancing with the woman and turning her gently around to they all could bear witness to her beauty. Only her round human ears gave away her origins, though the way her eyes glinted in the way only immortal eyes could kind of made it confusing. "Sarah, look! Finally some locals we can talk to!"

"Oh! Hallo! Can. You. Understand. Us?" She asked slowly and haltingly, as if talking to a retard or… someone who didn't speak her language.

Gandalf giggled behind his beard, stepping forward and with a sweep, started conversation. "Dear, do not worry! We seem to speak the same language after all" He smiled kindly at the woman who blushed becomingly, her cheeks made to accommodate a blush as flighty as a butterfly's wing. "I am known as Gandalf the Gray, and though we are in a hurry to finish a very important quest, we simply must stop to ask: Who are you?"

Trading looks, the couple nodded at each other in a show of silent conversation. The Eldar(?) stepped forward and with a flourish and a swish of his black, glitter covered cape introduced himself amongst a distant, dramatic sound of thunder "Since you asked so cordially, I cannot deny an introduction! I am Jareth, the Goblin King!" He swept an arm over the woman' shoulder. "And this is **my**__lovely wife and Queen, Sarah of the Williams family"

"King of the Goblins? He doesn't look like a goblin at all!" Pippin pointed out. Jareth snorted elegantly.

"You look like an elf, sir" Sam nodded toward Legolas, who until so far kept his comments to himself. Sarah and Jareth both found themselves examining the living specimen of the elven kind in keen interest.

"Well, he does look like that weirdo cousin of yours…"Sarah poked her husband's ribs in jest and teasing.

"Yimir is no elf!" Jareth defended "Elves are such sissy, unnecessary flotsies! Even worse than Fairies… you must remember them, they started the Hippies movement and unleashed Woodstock upon the world"

Boromir and Gimli couldn't control their snickers even if they wanted to. Aragorn and Legolas were highly offended and sputtered out arguments against Jareth' slander. Gandalf simply looked entertained so the Hobits sat back to watch the show.

After a few minutes of discussion about the pro and cons of the Eldar race, Sarah decided to intervene before the Goblin King was maimed.

"Enough! Jareth, can't you see the elves around here are nothing like your cousin?"

"My cousin is not an elf!"

"Sure…"

"He isn't!" Jareth seethed at his smirking wife, but then his enraged face smoothed into a heated one with a really hot come-hither smother that made Sarah's knees weak. "You look delectable when you're teasing me into helpless anger, precious thing"

Blushing, Sarah smiled embarrassedly. "Oh, not here Goblin King" She looked pointedly at their audience. "Remember what happened last time we… in public… and well, I'm not looking forward to another night in jail"

"That was once! I thought Paris was more liberal than that" He mumbled the last part under his breath. Then, remembering the group of nine, he turned back to them. "Since you're here and obviously natives, I have a proposition"

Still looking frazzled, Aragorn asked. "What proposition?"

"I _am _the Goblin King, even though you doubt my word, I am a very powerful entity with the ability to grant any wish… at a price… so I shall grant you one wish, and one wish only if you answer us a question pertaining to this world"

Seeing their disbelieving faces, Sarah tried to explain. "Last time we dimension traveled, we spent weeks in that world without knowing _where_ we were, thinking we were back in time, _again_, and we ended missing my father's birthday – he wasn't happy with Jareth, and _neither was I_" She said with a I-am-not-amused glare to her husband who smiled smugly down at her.

Gandalf thought for a bit. "Anything you say?" The gray wizard wanted confirmation. Jareth nodded resolutely.

The nine warriors conferred back. "It's obviously a lie or a very exaggerated tale" Boromir put in.

"I don't know, he seems very adamant" Mary crossed his little arms "Maybe we should humor them anyway, what evil can be done by answering _one_ question?"

And so, with group affirmation, Gandalf nodded to the couple of weirdly dressed people. "You can ask your question, though we reserve the right to decide if we answer or not"

"That's fine, if you don't answer I don't grant a wish, though" The Goblin King made it clear. Taking a breath and staring (lovingly) at his wife, Jareth asked. "Where are we? World wise I mean"

As if doubting his own sanity by contributing to the chaos, Frodo answered against all odds. "World we find ourselves in is Middle Earth"

"Arda, in Sindarin" Aragorn added helpfully, to the betrayed look from Legolas. "Is this all? An unlimited wish just for this scant question anyone could have answered?"

"Don't you feel lucky that you were the ones we found first?" Sarah smiled enchantedly. She really was the most beautiful woman they have ever seen – mortal or not, she'd give Arwen a good run for her money in the looks department. "Now your wish, come on, ask away… not literally of course…"

"Of course…" Jareth agreed, taking her hand and smooching her arms in kisses while the nine debated on what to wish for.

Still in dubious doubt about this _Goblin_ King's claims and still half thinking he was a delusional male elf a bit crazy in the head, the company of the Ring stood with a foot behind the line as they thought about what to wish for.

"We could wish the Ring destroyed" Frodo innocently suggested.

"Under no circumstance are you to show them the Ring!" Gandalf crushed Frodo's words.

"They can be faking all of this, fooling us into a false sense of security only to steal the ring of power from under all our noses!" Boromir hotly agreed with the gray Wizard.

"So no wish?" Mary pouted while the big people (and Frodo and Sam) discussed the validity of a wish to the loon who called himself the "Goblin" King.

"I'm quite hungry… aren't you hungry? Maybe we could wish for a meal since they are all so fussy about trusting a stranger"

"He wouldn't poison our meals, would he?"

"I don't think so"

So Mary and Pippin sneaked away from the company and approached Jareth, who smiled darkly at them.

"Have you decided?"

"Um… sure… we wish for a meal, large enough to feed all of us" Pippin asked.

Jareth agreed seriously, "What kind of meal will that be?"

"Maybe dinner, a feast with roasts, toasts, breads and jams, a feast fit for a company of Kings!"

"But Mary, the sun is still out, there is no way to make this a dinner feast… so maybe a lunch one?"

"Bah! If you want a dinner, reordering time is nothing to me!" Jareth swung around his hand, making a gothic clock appear showing the exact time of the day. With a snap of his fingers, the sun seemed to race through the sky and set in the horizon followed by a blanket of brightly shinning stars.

_That _caught the company's attention… Well, the sudden night and the instantly materialized feast sized banquet fit for a company of Kings that appeared in front of them.

"What… what is this?" Gandalf searched for the pair of Hobbits and found them already sat and munching on a roasted piglet with an apple in its mouth and honey sauce pooling around the dish. "What have you done!?"

Pippin stopped chewing long enough to answer. "We wished for dinner, we were getting starved from all the conversation!"

"We were in the middle of the day! How did it become night so suddenly?!" Boromir didn't exclaim, but he came close.

"That's simple, I told you I had unlimited powers… so when the little one wished for _dinner_, I ordered time to forward a couple of hours till dinnertime!" The Goblin King explained happily, as if defying the laws of their gods was an easy feat. Not even Morgoth had that much power! "Just watch for the wine, its goblin made and can be a tad bit stronger than what you're used to"

…

"Fool of a Took!"

"Does this mean we could have asked him to destroy the Ring?"

"I think… I think I need that goblin wine right now"

"Oh Jareth, you were right, this is better than Rome!"

**XxxXxxX**

Um… A piece of randomness that came to me while I angsted over my fried computer… this was written in my mom's laptop, so yeah, busted.


End file.
